dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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