i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
