why didn't you poke me back
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
