You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sober January is a disaster.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
