As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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