All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
