Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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