Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
