They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
