My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
