And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your penis caused this!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
