It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
