just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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