Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
