You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
