I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
