he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Two words: nipple clamps
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