I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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