mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
