Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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