someone threw a dead crab at me
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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