He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
