evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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