I'll bet she douches with gravy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
