the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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