Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
