sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
