Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
