She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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