what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
