I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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