what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
