I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think your dad took our porno
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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