If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
