I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
