Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
