So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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