the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
