if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
