i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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