I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She even gives head with a lisp.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
