A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
