just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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