So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize