apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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