i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
