even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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