i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
