i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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