Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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