And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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