I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
