I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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