I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she smelled like a LAN party
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
