Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
