I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
