Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
