That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
