Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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