i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
