she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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