Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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