that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
