Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
