I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
