so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
