we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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