he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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