Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
