THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize