I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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