OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
