I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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