I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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