Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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