Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
