I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
