Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
