Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
