My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
