I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
