It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize