Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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