By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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