what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
