I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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