My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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