My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
