Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
