He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
