We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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