did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
