I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
