i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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