The brown eye won't let me do that either.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
